well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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