guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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