smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
