Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
