There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
