Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
