i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
