Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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