your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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