How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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