Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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