let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
