I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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