So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
All I want is dick and wine.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
