I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
