Define "chronic" masturbator.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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