your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
