Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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