I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize