you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
