she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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