Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
