I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
