my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
