Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
