Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
