his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
