Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
