I got chris browned last night
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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