Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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