No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
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