so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
