I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
