Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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