so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Randomize
