college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
