so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
no you cant smoke seaweed
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
