Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
