She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
