Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
