I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
