Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
