i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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