i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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