I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
