He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so explain again why im purple
no
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
