like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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