You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
