Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
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