you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize