Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize