The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
