his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
