My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
