I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize