He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
