Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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