Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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