somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
