When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
