I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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