Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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