yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
