i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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