Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
