In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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