I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
