my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
