Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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