Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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